Founder of The Glow Group, Arlinda, posed a few questions in our group chat one day. So I decided to extend my thoughts with y’all on the blog.

Here were her questions:

What do you do when people wrong you?

What do you do when people irritate you? 

What do you do when people try you just because they feel like they can? 

Do you react based on your feelings? or Do you trust God to lead you in the right direction?

I’m going to give you my answer, then I want to know what your answer. This is a safe space, right?!

What do I do when people wrong me and/or irritate me?

I can’t sit here and honestly tell you I’ve always given it to God. I have petty Betty deep down inside of me, and sometimes she would like to come out. For the longest, I would either ghost people when they wronged me or play the tit-for-tat game. (I told y’all Petty Betty likes to make an appearance sometimes, smh).

I had to learn quickly to stop expecting myself from others. I used to ask, “Why would someone do this when I would never do that to them?” I realized that everyone wasn’t raised like me. Everyone doesn’t have the same values, principles, and/or code, so I had to stop expecting myself from them. I’m not telling you to expect less or not have expectations. I want you to think about shifting how those expectations look. If you can’t shift that, then learn how to shift your response when they don’t meet the expectations you had of them. You don’t have to expect everyone you come across to cross you, but if they do, know it’s nothing to do with you. 

Petty Betty aside, I now let God handle them! I will write a prayer to God telling on them. I meeeaaan it’s not snitching if I’m telling Jesus.

I write down how I feel in that prayer to God and ask him to handle that person. Side note: I don’t ask God to send his goons out. However, I do ask him to remove the desire to be Petty Betty. I ask him to show me if it was intentional or if that person does not know better. I ask God to show them how to be a better friend, person, coworker, etc. Then, I ask God to remove them and help me move forward in love.

I include “help me to move forward in love” because God wants us to do everything in love. Moving forward in love means I am not talking down on that person and don’t have to gossip about it. There is still love in my heart, but that person just can’t have access to me. This may seem hard, but the more you dig into the word it will be more practical. 

Here are some scriptures that can help you with this.

Don't take it on yourself to repay a wrong. Trust the Lord and he will make it right.
Proverbs 20:22

See that no one pays back wrong for wrong, but at all times make it your aim to do good to one another and to all people.
1 Thessalonians 5:15

Do not take revenge on others or continue to hate them, but love your neighbors as you love yourself. I am the Lord.
Leviticus 19:18

And when you stand and pray, forgive anything you may have against anyone, so that your Father in heaven will forgive the wrongs you have done.
Mark 11:25

What do you do when people try you just because they feel like they can?

SIIIIIIISSS!!!! Boundaries are how. I won’t sit here and lie to y’all through this blog post and tell you I’m the best at boundaries. I struggle, struggle with boundaries. I have been to therapy, and that was my number one problem. I didn’t have any boundaries. People knew they could milk me for all I had. I had to start setting boundaries and sticking up for myself. People can’t get away with treating you anyway, but you don’t have to pop off to get your point across. 

The number one key to having and communicating boundaries is being assertive. Being assertive is not something you can read about and it automatically becomes a part of you. You have to practice assertiveness daily. 

When these people try you, just because they feel like they can...change the narrative. Ask God to give you the words to be an assertive Christian woman. You can communicate that you are not the one or the two without saying those exact words. You don’t have to be aggressive to do this. Trust me, they will eventually get the point.  

Don’t let going to God about it be your last resort. If these things happen to you, I challenge you to pray to God and be specific. Take it up a notch and write those prayers down. Just watch how God will handle it for you. He has done it for me so many times that I cannot count, and I know he will do it for you.

Now, I want to hear from you. How do you respond? Let me know in the comments, or you can email me to chat more.