Choosing Forgiveness
How many of y'all are quick forgivers? You don't hold onto a grudge and you give people the benefit of the doubt? If you are that person, let me just stop to say that I ADMIRE YOU.
I'm ashamed to say this, but about a year ago I learned a little forgiveness lived in my heart. When someone hurt me, it was downhill from there. I felt like they needed to feel my pain. But here's the thing, they never did and they never will. All I was doing was making it worse for myself. I had to make a choice to forgive so I could have peace. I'm writing this to tell you, it’s time to forgive yourself and those who hurt you.
You might think, Ebony, I hear you but I can't do that. Well, I HEAR YOU! I had that mindset and I just want to share how I got out of that bondage with the help of going through Freedom (Hope City), prayer, and being intentional in my walk with Christ.
I started Freedom in September 2019. I was newly engaged, and I wanted to tackle things in my life to be the best version of myself for my future husband. Freedom is a 12-week commitment to free yourself of any strongholds in your life so you can live in the tree of life rather than the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. When I tell you, this was like ripping a band-aid off that I didn't even know I had on. I didn't know I let people wound me. I was letting people have control over my heart and harden it because I couldn't let go of "how they wronged me." I was holding on to every offense done to me since I was a child. Sounds crazy, but I know I am not alone. Forgiving people was tough for me. Being honest, it still is. It sucks to get hurt, especially by the people you once held dear to your heart.
However, we are all going through things internally. We have childhood trauma, trust issues, family hurt, reminders of tainted friendships, and/or various other things. Often, we don't know how to manage it or truthfully we do not know that it is even there. Just like you could battle known or unknown things, so could the other person.
I realized that it wasn't about me, it's something deeper inside of the person that's beyond my control. Am I saying befriend people who hurt you? NAAAHHH!
●It is not okay they abused you.
●It is not okay they betrayed you.
●It is not okay they abandoned you.
●It is not okay that they falsely accused you.
●It is not okay they rejected you.
●It is not okay they humiliated you.
Let’s get this straight forgiveness is not minimizing the offense, it’s not forgetting what happened, and it doesn’t call for reconciliation. Most of the time it doesn’t even require a conversation with the offender. It is making a choice to not let other people’s actions have control over our lives. I learned that having an unforgiving heart is like setting yourself on fire and waiting for the other person to burn. Hearing this changed my perspective because I for sure don't want to set myself on fire. What are you going to choose?!
I chose to stop harboring unforgiveness. For once, I stopped waiting for those people to apologize to me. You might never get an apology. I stopped trying to change people. I stopped trying to understand why they did what they did. I also stopped viewing people on the potential I saw or my made-up expectations of how they should show up for me. I released it all to God. I had to see them as one of God’s children. God takes us as we are, in our mess. He gives us grace, so I learned to live a life that gives others grace. You can’t let your past hold you captive.
So what are you saying, Ebony? I’m saying free yourself because holding on to something is only burning yourself up. Through the freedom curriculum and conference, I learned to pray for, bless, and do good to people who have offended me. Being petty, rude, and seeking revenge just wasn’t working out for me. I'm still a work in progress and I am tested on forgiveness constantly! However, I refuse to let the enemy win.
If you are on the journey to forgiveness or ready to start after reading this, let the church say AMEN. Below are a few sentences my freedom group leaders gave us to write to God and address who or what we needed his help to forgive. I hope that this is a start to set yourself free from the chain of unforgiveness.
Dear God,
I am on the journey to forgiveness and need your help to forgive _______________________,for:_______________________________________.
You can copy this as many times as you need.
You know what’s next? Forgiving yourself. It is time to stop reminding yourself of any past failures or mistakes. God has already forgiven you, it's your turn now!
Dear God,
Please help me forgive myself for:_____________________________________.
Scriptures
For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:14
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12:17-18
Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. “Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth: will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.”
Isaiah 43:18-19
Prayer
Father God,
Forgiveness is difficult for me, and I need your help. I know if I lay it all down to you, you will fill me up with your love, grace, and mercy. Help me to have a forgiving heart. Forgive me for holding on to any offenses. Give me the power to forgive those who have hurt me. I give it all to you on this day. I ask for strength to pray for them, bless them, and want the best for them. Today, I am breaking the chains of unforgiveness in my life. In Jesus Name, Amen!
